This last year of uni feels like it’s unravelling me. I’m exhausted, I reading and writing and analysing data but feel like I’m not making any progress. Everyone’s telling me I’m nearly there and the end is in sight and I’m not alone and it’s hard but I’m strong. People mean well but those positive sayings don’t help. They don’t mean anything; they’re just words and they can change feelings and emotions. I know what I need to do, I need to get my head down and just push through. But it doesn’t stop it being really bloody hard and it doesn’t make it any more enjoyable.
I’m struggling to find any motivation or interest in this work. It’s all pointless – my lecturers don’t want to spend time grading the work any more than I want to do it. I’m not going to try to be positive this week because I’m not feeling it.
This week was half term or reading week or student engagement week or whatever they’re calling it now. No lectures meant I could focus on my dissertation. I struggled through this week. Sometimes staring at my screen, sometimes writing like a crazed person, sometimes skim reading reports upon reports, sometimes try to get my head around my data.
There’s a lot to do and I’m running out of time. I have the chance to submit a draft on Monday to get feedback. Past Cory in all her naïve wisdom planned to get a full first draft to her supervisor to get really useful feedback. Present Cory is just trying to pull together enough so that the draft feedback isn’t a complete waste of time. Enough 3rd person writing, it feels weird. I want to get a bit of each section written to get some feedback about the writing style and content. The issue I have at the moment is the data. We had so many sessions on data a year ago, that was a long time ago and I feel like I’m rehashing and regoing over all of that work now.
I was hoping the dissertation would be done so I could focus on the other assessments which come flooding in now for the next two months, alas, that will not have happened so I’ll need to find some more time somewhere to finish this off.
Back to writing, if you need me this weekend, I’ll be attached to my laptop…